ನಾನು ಐಷಾರಾಮಿ ಪ್ರೀತಿ ಬಿಚ್ಚುವುದಕ್ಕೂ ಮತ್ತು ಸ್ಪಾಗಳು ಮುದ್ದು ಮಾಡಲಾಗುತ್ತಿದೆ. ನಾನು ಪ್ರಪಂಚದಾದ್ಯಂತ ಎಲ್ಲಾ ಅವುಗಳನ್ನು ಭೇಟಿ ಸಾಕಷ್ಟು ಅದೃಷ್ಟ ಎಂದು. ನಾನು ಬಾರಿ ಸಂಖ್ಯೆಯ ಎಣಿಕೆ ಕಳೆದುಕೊಂಡಿದ್ದಾರೆ, ಕೇವಲ ಒಂದು ವಾರ ಕಷ್ಟಸಾಧ್ಯವಾದ ಕೆಲಸ ಡಿ-ಒತ್ತಿ ತೆಗೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳಲು, ನಾನು ಗೂಗಲ್ ಎಂಬುದನ್ನು 'ಸ್ಪಾ, ಯುರೋಪ್ ಮತ್ತು ಸರೋವರದ '. ನಾನು Lithuanian ಅಥವಾ ರಷ್ಯಾದ ನನ್ನ ಹುಡುಕಾಟಗಳು ನಡೆಸಿತು ವೇಳೆ (ನನ್ನ ಹೊಸ ಮೆಚ್ಚಿನ ಸ್ಪಾ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಗ್ರಾಹಕರು ಹೆಚ್ಚಾಗಿ ರಷ್ಯಾದ ಇವೆ), ನಾನು Druskininkai ಮಂದಿ ಎಂದು. ಆದರೆ ನಾನು ಮಾಡಲಿಲ್ಲ, ಇದು ಲಂಡನ್ ಮರಳಿ ಬರುವ ಒಂದು ಲಿಥುವೇನಿಯನ್ ಸ್ನೇಹಿತರಿಗೆ ತೆಗೆದುಕೊಂಡು, ಶಾಂತ ಮತ್ತು ಉಜ್ಜ್ವಲವಾದ, ಈ ಸ್ಥಳದಲ್ಲಿ ನನ್ನನ್ನು ಪರಿಚಯಿಸಲು.

ನಾನು ಈ ಆಗಿದ್ದಾನೆ, ಹಾಗೂ ಎರಡು ಬಾರಿ ಈಗ ಸೋಲಿಸಲ್ಪಟ್ಟರು ಟ್ರ್ಯಾಕ್ ಲಿಥುವೇನಿಯನ್ ರೆಸಾರ್ಟ್ ಆಫ್. ಇದು ವಿಶ್ವಾಸ ಯಾವುದೇ ದರ್ಜೆಯ ಸ್ಪಾ ಪಟ್ಟಣದ ಹೆಸರು ಉಚ್ಚರಿಸಲು ನನಗೆ ಮೊದಲ ವಾರದಲ್ಲಿ ದೀರ್ಘ ಭೇಟಿಯ ಸಂಪೂರ್ಣ ತೆಗೆದುಕೊಂಡಿತು (Droosk ಇನ್ ಇನ್ ಕ್ಯೆ, ಎರಡನೆಯ ಪದ ರೂಪವನ್ನು ಒತ್ತು).

ನಾನು ಬೀಚ್ ರೆಸಾರ್ಟ್ ಸ್ಪಾಗಳು ಭೇಟಿ ಮತ್ತು ಎಲ್ಲಾ ಅವರ ವಿರುದ್ಧ ಇಲ್ಲ ಎಂದು. ಆದರೆ ಬೇಸಿಗೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ನಾನು ಹೆಚ್ಚಾಗಿ ಅಲ್ಪ ದೂರದ ಹೋಗುತ್ತಾರೆ, ಕಿಕ್ಕಿರಿದ ಕರಾವಳಿ ತಪ್ಪಿಸಲು, babbling ಬ್ರೂಕ್ಸ್ babble ವಿನಿಮಯ, ನೆಮ್ಮದಿಯ ಕಾಡುಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ನಡೆದು ತಾಜಾ ನೀರಿನ ಸರೋವರಗಳು ಅಕಸ್ಮಾತಾಗಿ ಈಜುತ್ತವೆ. Druskininkai ಎಲ್ಲಾ ಪೆಟ್ಟಿಗೆಗಳು ಉಣ್ಣಿ.

ನನ್ನ ಶಬ್ದಕೋಶವನ್ನು ರಷ್ಯಾದ ಯಾವುದೇ ಲಿಥುವೇನಿಯನ್ ಮತ್ತು ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಅರಿವು ಜೊತೆ, ದೊಡ್ಡ ಹೋಟೆಲ್ ಇದರಲ್ಲಿ ನಾನು ಎರಡೂ ಸಂದರ್ಭಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಉಳಿದರು, ಅದರ ಶಬ್ದ ಔಟ್ ಕೇವಲ ರಾಗ ಸುಲಭ ಮತ್ತು ಅಸ್ತಿತ್ವ ಬಹುತೇಕ ಬೇರೆ ಆವರ್ತನೆಯನ್ನು. ಒಂದು ಇಂಗ್ಲೀಷ್ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿ ನನ್ನ ಮೊದಲ ವಾಸ್ತವ್ಯದ ಪಡೆದುಕೊಂಡಿದ್ದರೂ ಕಾಣಿಸಿಕೊಂಡರು ಮತ್ತು ನಾನು ಅತ್ಯಂತ ನಿರಾಶೆ ಆದರೆ ಅವರು ಬೇರೆಡೆ ಶೀಘ್ರದಲ್ಲೇ ಹೋಗಿ ಅವಳು ತಿನ್ನಲು ಒಂದು ಗಂಟೆ ಅಗತ್ಯವಿದೆ ಎಂದು ನನ್ನ ಇತ್ತೀಚಿನ ವಾಸ್ತವ್ಯದ ಮೇಲೆ ನಾನು ಅವರ ಪತ್ನಿ ವೈದ್ಯರು ಅಪಾಯಿಂಟ್ಮೆಂಟ್ ಅನನುಕೂಲ ಎಂದು ಇಂಗ್ಲೀಷ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಜೋರಾಗಿ ದೂರು ಒಂದು ನಾರ್ವೇಜಿಯನ್ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿ ಕೇಳಿದ ಭೋಜನ ಒಂದು ಪುಟ್ಟ ಭಾಗವು. ಆದರೆ ಉಳಿದ ಈ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಪ್ರತ್ಯೇಕ ಗುಂಪು ಬಿಯರ್ ಯಥೇಚ್ಛವಾಗಿ ಪ್ರಮಾಣದಲ್ಲಿ ಸೇವಿಸಿದ್ದಾರೆ ಮತ್ತು ನಾರ್ವೇಜಿಯನ್ ಮಾತನಾಡಿದರು.

ಮುಂದೆ, ಇಲ್ಲ ಗೆಟ್ಟಿಂಗ್, ನನ್ನ ಹೋಟೆಲ್ ಸ್ಪಾ ವಿಲ್ನಿಯಸ್, ಸ್ಥಳೀಯ ಶುಲ್ಕ ಮತ್ತು ಉತ್ತಮ ಹಳೆ ಶೈಲಿಯ ಯುರೋಪಿಯನ್ ಚಿಕಿತ್ಸೆಗಳು

Semengoh ವನ್ಯಧಾಮದಲ್ಲಿ ಹನ್ನೆರಡು ಮೈಲಿ ಕುಚಿಂಗ್ ಡ್ರೈವ್ ಮತ್ತು ಯೋಗ್ಯವಾಗಿರುತ್ತದೆ ಟ್ರಿಪ್ ಆಗಿದೆ, ಬೊರ್ನಿಯೊ ಉತ್ತರ ಹೆಚ್ಚು touristy ಸ್ಥಳಗಳಿಗೆ ಸುಂದರ ಬೀಚ್ ಹೊಂದಿದೆ, ಆದರೆ ನನಗೆ ಮಾಡಿರದ ಸೂರ್ಯನ ಆಕರ್ಷಣೆ, ಸಮುದ್ರ ಮತ್ತು ಮರಳು. ನಾನು Bermibeh ಪ್ರವಾಸಿಗರು ವಸತಿಗೃಹ ಏರ್ಪಡಿಸಿದ ಪ್ರವಾಸಗಳು ಒಂದೆರಡು ಸೇರಿದರು (ಏವ್ ಹೈ ಸ್ಟ್ರೀಟ್) . ಅವರು ಆರಂಭಿಕ ಆರಂಭಿಸಿದರು, ಮತ್ತು ನಾನು ಉಪಹಾರ ಪಾಲ್ಗೊಂಡಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ ಬೆಳಿಗ್ಗೆ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿ ಹೆಚ್ಚು ಕಾರಣ, ನಾನು ವಾಹನ ಕಾಯುತ್ತಿದ್ದರು ಆದರೆ ಈ Bermimbeh ಹಾಸ್ಟೆಲ್ ಉಚಿತ ಮಹಾನ್ ಜನರು ನನಗೆ ನೀಡಲಾಯಿತು.

ಪ್ರಥಮ ಪ್ರವಾಸದಲ್ಲಿ ನಾನು ಈ ಅದ್ಭುತ ಜೀವಿಗಳು ಯಾವುದೇ ನೋಡಲು ಬಯಸುವುದಿಲ್ಲ, ನೀವು ಅವುಗಳನ್ನು ನೋಡಲು ಮತ್ತು ಅವುಗಳನ್ನು ಮುಚ್ಚಿ ತಿಳಿದುಕೊಳ್ಳೋಣ ಹೋದರೆ ಹಾನಿ ಭಯಂಕರ ಫೋಟೋಗಳನ್ನು ಕೇವಲ ಸಾಕಷ್ಟು ನೀವು ಮಾಡಿದ ಸಾಧ್ಯವಾಗಲಿಲ್ಲ. 'ಒರಾಂಗುಟನ್ ನೀವು ತಾಗಿದರೆ, ನೀವು ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ 'ಆಸ್ಪತ್ರೆಗೆ ಹೋಗಿ, ಮೀಸಲು ನಮ್ಮ ಮಾರ್ಗದರ್ಶಿ ಹೇಳುತ್ತಾರೆ. ಈ ಒರೆಂಗುಟನ್ ಕಾಡು ಪುನರ್ವಸತಿ ಮತ್ತು ಅವರು ಡೋಂಟ್ ವೇಳೆ ಅವರಿಗೆ ಸಿದ್ಧಪಡಿಸಿದ ಆಹಾರ ಬರಬೇಕಿರುತ್ತದೆ ಮಾಡಲಾಗುತ್ತಿದೆ, ಇದು ಒಂದು ಉತ್ತಮ ಸಂಕೇತವಾಗಿದೆ, ಅವರು ಚೆನ್ನಾಗಿ. ಅವರು ಅನಾಥ ಅಥವಾ ಗಾಯಗೊಂಡ ಅಥವಾ ಹಿಂದೆ ಅಕ್ರಮ ಸಾಕುಪ್ರಾಣಿಯಾಗಿ ಇಡುವರು ಮಾಡಲಾಗಿದೆ ಮತ್ತು ಗುರಿ ಅವುಗಳನ್ನು ಮಟ್ಟ ಹಾಕಲು ಆದರೆ ತಮಗಾಗಿ ದೂರಮಾಡು ಎಂದು ಸಹಾಯ ಮಾಡಲು ಅಲ್ಲ ಮಾಡಲಾಗುತ್ತದೆ. ನನ್ನ ಮೊದಲ ಭೇಟಿ ನಾವು waited ಮತ್ತು ಸದ್ದಿಲ್ಲದೆ ವಿಳಂಬ (ಮತ್ತು ಜನರ ಒಂದು ಗುಂಪು ರಲ್ಲಿ ಎಂದಿನಂತೆ, ಕೆಲವು ಅಷ್ಟು ಸದ್ದಿಲ್ಲದೆ) ಕಾಡಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಆದರೆ ಬರುತ್ತದೆ ಬೇಕಿತ್ತು.

ನನ್ನ ಮುಂದಿನ ವಿಹಾರ ಜೊಂಗ್ ನ ಮೊಸಳೆ ಫಾರ್ಮ್ ಆಗಿತ್ತು, ಸಹ ಒಂದು ಸಣ್ಣ ಡ್ರೈವ್ ದೂರ. ಪದದ ಮಹತ್ವ 'ಕೃಷಿ’ ಇದು ಇಲ್ಲ ನಿಜವಾಗಿಯೂ ಸಮಯದಲ್ಲಿ ಮುಳುಗುತ್ತವೆ, ಆದರೆ ಅವನ್ನು ಮೊಸಳೆಗಳು (ತಕ್ಕಮಟ್ಟಿಗೆ ವಿರಳ) ಪ್ರವಾಸಿಗರು ದೊಡ್ಡ ಪಚ್ಚೆ ಹಸಿರು ಪೂಲ್ಗಳನ್ನು ಇವೆ. ಮಲೇಷಿಯಾದ ವೀಕ್ಷಕರು ಹೆಚ್ಚಿನ ಸಂಖ್ಯೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಸಣ್ಣ ತಂಡವನ್ನು ತೊರೆದರು, ಒಮ್ಮೆ ನನ್ನ ಬಹುತೇಕ ಹೊಂದಿದ್ದರು. ಎಲ್ಲೆಡೆ ಮೊಸಳೆಗಳು ತನ್ನ ನೆಮ್ಮದಿಯ ಎಲೆಗಳ ಸ್ಪಾಟ್. ಒಂದು ಒಳ ಆವರಣದಲ್ಲಿ ಬೃಹತ್ ಬಾಲವಿಲ್ಲದ ಪ್ರಾಣಿಯ ಒಂದು ಒಂಟಿಯಾಗಿ ಪೆನ್ ಸ್ಥಿತಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಕ್ಷೀಣಿಸುತ್ತ ಬಂದಿದೆ, ಸ್ಪಷ್ಟವಾಗಿ ಅವರು ಈ ರೀತಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಜನಿಸಿದರು ಮತ್ತು ಹೊರಗೆ ಇತರರು ಕಟುವಾಗಿ ಎಂದು.

ಜೊಂಗ್ ನ ಒಂದು ಸುಂದರ ಮತ್ತು ಆಶ್ಚರ್ಯಕರ ಶಾಂತಿಯುತ ಸ್ಥಳವಾಗಿದೆ, ಮಾಡಲು ವಿಷಯ ಪರಿಗಣಿಸಿ ದೊಡ್ಡ ಮತ್ತು ಅತ್ಯಂತ ಆಕ್ರಮಣಕಾರಿ ಜೀವಂತ ಸರೀಸೃಪಗಳು ನಡುವೆ ಸುತ್ತಾಟ ಮಾಡುವುದು.

ಐಬಿಎಎನ್ಗಳ ಬೊರ್ನಿಯೊ ಸ್ಥಳೀಯ ದಾಯಕ್ ಜನರ ಬುಡಕಟ್ಟು, ಮಳೆಕಾಡಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಹಳ್ಳಿಗಳು ಮತ್ತು ದೀರ್ಘ ಮನೆ ಭೇಟಿ beautful ಸ್ಥಳವಾಗಿವೆ. ನಾನು ಮಾನವ ಮೃಗಾಲಯದಲ್ಲಿ ಎಂದು ಸಮಯದಲ್ಲಿ ಸಹಾಯ ಭಾವನೆ ಆಗುವುದಿಲ್ಲ. ಸ್ಪಷ್ಟವಾಗಿ headhunting ಮುಕ್ತಗೊಳಿಸಲಾಯಿತು ಆದರೆ ರಾಫ್ಟ್ರ್ಗಳನ್ನು ಒಣಗಿಸಿ ತಲೆಬುರುಡೆಯ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ತುಂಬಾ ಅಧಿಕೃತ ನೋಡುತ್ತಿದ್ದರು.

ನನ್ನ ಎರಡನೇ ಭೇಟಿ Semenggoh ಗೆ (ಈ ಪ್ರವಾಸಗಳ ದುಬಾರಿ arent, ನೀವು Bermibih ಲಾಡ್ಜ್ ಎಲ್ಲೋ ಅವುಗಳನ್ನು ಪುಸ್ತಕ ವಿಶೇಷವಾಗಿ, ಬದಲಿಗೆ ಪುಲ್ಮನ್ ನಂತಹ ಒಂದು swanky ಹೋಟೆಲ್ ಹೆಚ್ಚು, ಮತ್ತು ಪ್ರವೇಶ ಶುಲ್ಕ ಸೆಂಟರ್ ಬೆಂಬಲಿಸುತ್ತದೆ) ಮಾರ್ಗದರ್ಶಿ ನೋಡಲು 'ಎಂದು ಪ್ರಾರಂಭಿಸಿ, ನೋಡಲು, ಅಲ್ಲಿರುವ!’ ಅನಿಮೇಟೆಡ್ Attenborouesque ಹಂತದಲ್ಲಿ ಪಿಸುಮಾತು. ಮತ್ತು ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಅವರು, ಈ ಭವ್ಯವಾದ ಜೀವಿಗಳು.

Semenggoh ನೇಚರ್ ರಿಸರ್ವ್

Kuching is a bustling city on the banks of the Sarawak River on the island of Borneo. There are tourists inevitably, but it’s off the beaten track enough to be exotic and not like anywhere else, making it an interesting city to explore. You will find plenty of unique shops, cafes and restaurants (unique apart from a branch of that nasty virulent golden arch chain) and there is big bargain department store (go here especially if you are in need of a new rucksack for the rain forest).

The bench-lined river promenade is a great place to start sightseeing or to sit and watch the colourful boats. I was lucky enough to chance upon the annual regatta. There are long sunset river cruises culminating in a show performed by exquisite traditional dancers. People squealed as a small crocodile swam along the surface close to the boat. If you feel up to braving a smaller (infinitely more capsizable) boat and forget about the aforementioned crocodile there are short expedient rides to take you across to the grassy residential shores of the opposite bank, the site of the Astana, the residence of the Sarawak governor built by a certain Charles Brooke in 1869 and where via loud speakers there is sermonising on the word of the prophet Mohammed.

A Singaporean friend had recommended that I try the local delicacy ‘midin’, an edible jungle fern native to Sarawak and I found it in the cafe ‘Zhun San Yen’ near the river. After having the delicious samphire-like vegetable along with lots of other delicious dishes at this cafe run by Bhuddists I became a semi-regular (bolstered by my calamity of forgetting to take any money on my second lunch and the owners being totally cool with me bringing it when I came down later). All the dishes are vegetarian, some using the traditional Chinese style of cooking with faux meats and they are all delicious. The self service buffet is charged by weight (economical and handy for the budget conscious) and the staff are charming.

Away from the river the town is a busy hive of streets. Apparently it’s uncertain whether the word ‘Kuching’ derives from the Malay word for cat ‘kucin’ or from the Chinese word for port ‘cochin’ but there are numerous cat statues and even a cat museum (I know where I’d put my money). Around town there are lots of interesting buildings, temples both Chinese and Indian and a magnificent mosque as well as a colourful dragon-filled Chinatown.

The breathtakingly beautiful Reservoir Park was a spectacular find. Take the opposite direction from river, setting out from the Pullman hotel and a twenty minute or so stroll from the city centre (anyway you’ll need a map but they are easy to come across)…

At night the river esplanade seems to be the real heart of the city, it’s full of people taking the air, strolling or sitting at the food stalls. However; if you find exploring the city on foot thirsty work and want something a little stronger there are places around that serve cocktails, beers and wines. Larger hotels and some cafes and restaurants sell alcohol, but not all of them, this being a muslim country. My Rough Guide recommended a ‘lifestyle bar’ called ‘Tao’ on Jalan Padungan. After an walk around streets filled with little shops selling hardware and tiny restaurants selling Indian or Malay food, amongst the hustle and bustle of city life, people sitting at the front of their shops enjoying the cooler balmy nights. I found the address, now called 175 it was a really cool place; friendly staff, healthy food with vegetarian choices and smoothies but cocktails and wine and beers too; music, sofas, a couple of floors and discrete areas and best of all a free fish pedicure for every customer while they sip their drinks.

Next: Iban longhouses and crocodiles

Borneo had long been one of my dream destinations, so whilst on a secondment in Singapore, I was lucky enough to make a few trips there. Taking advantage of Air Asia’s handy flights I flew to Kuching, a sprawling, bustling city on the banks of the Sarawak River. And here from here, the Malaysian part of the island I was able to explore this exotic land.

There are backpackers lodges and dormitories but on a hill in a fairly quiet part of town, a twenty minute drive from the airport, is the gleaming Pullman Hotel. My first visit coincided with the soft opening of this sparkling new modern tower. The deluxe rooms on the top floors have floor to ceiling windows with views of the river and the city. The bright, spacious public areas are sun streaked and comfortable and the relaxation area around the pool doubles as a nightclub complete with light shows in the evening. The tapas by the pool are delicious and remarkably good value. There is also a gym, a jacuzzi and a steam room and a few yards from the entrance to the hotel I found a massage centre where the wonderful treatments seemed to be a hybrid of a hard Thai pummelling and Swedish deep tissue massage with oil.

So if you have flown from further than Singapore or are just in need of some down time the food and relaxation areas in the hotel are pretty good. There is a cafe with international dishes and breakfast, but for dinner the more formal Nu Er Hong restaurant on the ground floor has an extremely delicious traditional Chinese vegetarian selection and a good wine list.

This would almost be a destination hotel if it wasnt Borneo out there! After dinner, or after a swim and a massage, the charming Kuching waterfront promenade is a short stroll away and is a gentle introduction to the city. And Kuching is a good base to explore the surrounding areas, and Borneo.

Next Kuching; ‘Cat City’, Borneo

On the third windswept and startling bright Dahab morning I tore myself from the cushioned and shielded sanctuary of the Bedouin pavilion overlooking Gulf of Aqaba to rejoin the dawdling chatty yoga group at the big wooden breakfast table. I had had my fill of the delicious foul and salty white cheese, the peppers and freshly cooked unleavened bread and prefered to drink my tea away from the rajastic chit chat of my new yogic companions. I dragged myself back to these starlings swathed in soft natural fibres against the underlying desert chill to hear what the much heralded (and money spinning I cynically appended) visit from the local guide had to say about a possible desert trip.

Passive aggressive emaciated yoga teacher Celia knew exactly what she wanted us to choose to do. I was shot down in flames for trying to concoct an apparently totally impossible combination of desert trip and nature reserve.

The guide invited me to sit down, testily I refused. He sat high and lean in his wooden chair in his grey djellaba and spoke about possible adventures and utterly charmed. With his clipped moustache and thickly waved hair he looked like a like a grease-painted silent movie star version of himself.

Sulkily I skulked back to my cushioned solitude to stare at the sea. A couple of chapters of a novel later (who was John Galt anyway) and I walked along the pedestrian and equestrian curvy sea path that stretched between the sparsely populated tents and cushions and their four walled counterparts. The sun, high over head felt damaging and the sea sparkled and shimmered all the way to the menacing mountain walls of Saudi Arabia.

Someone waived to me as I reached the busy diving hub and I ate more hummus with two of my new acquaintances before setting off again alone along the sea path and between the hard selling restaurateurs and hawkers of bric-a-brac stood the charming guide, the purveyor of Bedouin dreams. About six feet six he stood shrouded in robes sipping daintily on the straw in a small carton of juice. He smiled and said hello and asked me if I wanted a tour of the surrounding area, to see the canyon and the views. Cynically, I thought afterwards, I asked him the price of the tour and affronted he told me it was free.

I stayed at the Coral Coast Hotel (which refreshingly doesnt have a website yet, but you can google it!) in Dahab, and flew with Easy Jet

I had often thought of visiting Havana and it had come a close second in an erstwhile destination deliberation process with a good friend a few years ago (having been pipped at the post by India). When an email dropped into my inbox informing me of a ten day writing course with Steven Berkoff that happened to slot nicely into a period of leave I stopped being indecisive about where to go for my next adventure and booked flights.

Not always gregarious and normally one to shun those dreaded group activities, being herded around and going about my day in close confines with people who are not of my choosing, this wasnt the kind of thing I would normally go for (at least not while on holiday). Furthermore I had never previously felt the need to be assisted by a writing course but was curious to meet the maestro in such a ravishing setting. So I signed up for the curriculum at the iconic Habana Libre hotel (single occupancy fully paid up of course) and arranged my solitary countryside adventure to Valle de Vinales around it.

On the night I was to ‘join’ el groupo I waited around in the gleaming and capacious marbled lobby, half heartedly jollied along by a pina colada. The air conditioned space was fine, I love the seductive anonymity of hotel lobbies but I wasnt really looking forward to meeting ‘them’, the others, at all. I was actually to make a few good new friends out of it all as is often the case but at that moment I was waiting reluctantly to be associated with the rest of the herd.

I hung around in the designated area of the lobby pointed out to me by the receptionist, until what appeared initially to be a wishy washy group of mainly women began assembling in the lobby and I was offered a wishy washy undrinkable mojito in a plastic cup. I hovered around behind the unpunctual crew, eager just to obtain some basic details without having to linger too much and then to go off for dinner. The ensemble were somewhat delayed as they had had to wait in the airport for someone who didnt turn up. This whole group dynamic of waiting around for people is particularly tedious, especially if they dont turn up. Maybe this particular anonymous would be writer didnt even want to enter the country when in full possession of the news I was about to receive.

I already had a particular first night close by restaurant earmarked for dinner (Trattoria Maraka’s on Calle 0 between Calles 23 and 25, just around the block) having no interest or patience for bonding and dining and the ‘oh where shall we goes?’ just yet. A reluctant loiterer in the background, ready to slope off any moment, I was asked if I was who I was and handed a schedule for salsa dancing which I didnt question as my patience had reached its limits, there are only so many irrelevant questions addressed to the whole group one can endure. Its extremely tedious when some people think it’s necessary for a whole group of strangers to listen to the ponderous answers of a non native to “Is it safe?, ‘can you drink the water?’ and ‘how can my husband contact me?.

Waiting for the lift, a small mousey man asked me ‘are you one of mine?’, this instantly rankled but not wanting to get off on a bad foot I stopped myself from demanding ‘one of your what?’ and replied in an sniffy manner that I was here for the writing course and that I had been given a schedule for salsa dancing. The small Antipodean’s rather disconcerting reply was ‘Its probably about the same but we dont know what time George wants to start’ to which I replied ‘who’s George?’

‘The tutor’

‘I thought the tutor was Steven Berkoff’’

‘ Ah.. you didnt you get the email… he was unable to come’

‘No I was in Vinales for a few days and havent checked my email…’

Three days before the start date of the course wouldnt really have been a great time to reschedule in any case. This really wasnt what I had wanted to hear.

George, George, George. George started the first session in his suite, he kept referring to his room with an adjoining room as his suite as if he hadnt been out much before. Im pretty sure he hadnt been out much before. He was wearing some sort of a kimono and kept telling us all about his recent milestone birthday and his engagement. He started his first tutorial (numbers already depleted by several members who had defected join a concurrent salsa course) by asking us to add another descriptive word to out given names. He kicked the whole thing off with Gorgeous George. This kind of thing is what makes group ‘activities’ detestable. So we had Sassy Sue and Mellifluous Mel and Kindly Kate and Amazing Ailon and all sorts of silly rubbish which would have been unbefitting of the august Mr Berkoff. We were prompted to write and perform a bit and some of it was great fun. The emphasis was on the acting out of what we had written, George being a stage actor and a thespian. I’d never heard of George. More people were to defect to salsa.

George had an obsession with Edgar Allan Poe and in particular with his narrative poem the Raven. During one hilarious reading of which a cleaner burst into to room with a hoover just as him was shrieking, ravenesesque ‘Nevermore’!

 

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me – filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`’Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door –
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; –
This it is, and nothing more,’

George often had visitors at his chamber door and held court out of hours. He was insecure and in need of reassurance often repeating tiresome personal details that were of no interest and made one long to be out of his suite and by the pool. He built up a small fan base of which he slept with at least one, upsetting others in this pack of women (more men it seemed prefered to salsa). He had exclusive dinners to which not all of the group were invited. It was obviously an all expenses paid trip but it transpired he was losing out because he was an out of work actor on the dole and couldnt claim benefits for a week.

 

Havana was wonderful in spite of the absence of the big draw, our original intended mentor. The disgruntled ones along with all the others were offered a free weekend of coaching with Steven Berkoff (who had had contractual obligations) on The Isle of White and the best fun ones went along and it served as a marvellous reunion. Hours were spent in elegant high ceilinged rooms and ye olde pubs with the mesmerising and formidable thespian and captivating raconteur.

A lot of people bypass the hustle and bustle and exhaust fumes of Havana and head straight for the beach resorts. One afternoon, those of us not staying on for a beach holiday at the end headed out to one to see what all the fuss was about, this was the Caribbean after all. A thirty minute taxi ride took us to the one of the Playas del Este and the beautiful golden sands and azure waters of Megano. It was stunning, uncrowded and unspoiled but with bamboo sun shades and little beach huts selling delicious cocktails and snacks.